Every time I think that this was an idea that couldn’t have any longevity, I find more. Mind you, there is really no limit, even though right now Heinous Art Reproductions is about cheapo copies of well known stuff, I have now found there is so much sludge out there we could go on for years.
I don’t want to hurt feelings too much; I have passed over some shitty Etsy offerings, because just like DeviantArt, there is some good stuff there, and some laughable shit there. Much is about what you find attractive, and just because I have a background in archeology and art does not make me a critic.*
We can differ there, because it is so objective, and the proof is that there are plenty of garden gnomes out there. Hey, people liked the remakes of King Kong, so there you go: “That movie was a blockbuster! You’re just a snob/idiot/I-don’t-know-what. All of those things are true. You don’t like it, get your own blog – personally, I think the latest King Kong should have been less bugs and more Captain of the ship.
Some searches are better than others, and the wording is important. When you put ‘Garden Art’ in there, it brings up gems like this:
I’m having issues. I know, as a gardener, you don’t necessarily want something with too much detail to catch dirt up when it rains, or a finish that the weather will destroy, and your statuary should reflect your taste and enhance your plants.
This is a head that claims to be Shiva/Hindu inspired, which is a term I hate. It is either Shiva or it isn’t. What it is in reality is a big blue head on a STAKE in your yard.
Query: Do you want to go out in your yard, hearing a strange noise, and see this face in the moonlight? I don’t think so. I would think, “Not again, not the probe, oh no!”
And when I get beamed onto the mother ship, I would have to see the Captain, and he would be Glow in The Dark Jesus:
Either way, he can SEE me! Now they are trying to convince me that:
ALL IS ONE
or some other such nonsense, and I’m on a slab, ready to be probed, when I am saved by Shiva, who I have spoken about before. I think Shiva is pretty complete, just like I think Isis is, and despite my personal waking beliefs that these are all Ideas, in a dream it could be scary. I know Shiva like this; I have a little Shiva like this:
Whoa, dude, you are BRIGHT!
There are a bunch of mass marketed poly figurines like this you can buy, and glue them onto your dashboard to protect your car, or stick in your garden, and we at Heinous shall not stop on our mission to show you these as well as other great shit that is out there for you to cram your house full of, make you more holy, or just blind you with the spirituality.
Because we know all you need is some stuff displayed in your house to make people think you’re spiritual. That’s why I have several Egyptian works, a couple Hindu**, a few Native American, some Pre-Columbian, a chunk of the BlarneyStone, a couple Navajo sand paintings, a Sioux pipe, a few family Bibles, some crystals, and some houseplants.
It’s just that easy.
Now it is bedtime, and I have probably woven myself bad dreams.
* City College, but a lot of self teaching. Nothing to write home about. But I know what I like. Just like porn.
** I would really like to know where my nice Parvati is. I hate moving.